Lord Heseltine's Schools' Army

Lord Heseltine was bemused to hear Evan Davis remark on the Today Programme "nice to have you back", as if the noble Tory had been politically recuperating somewhere. I think Heseltine looks far better now than when he was last in office, if "in office" is the right expression. He's raring to go, all enthusiastic and is up to his whatsits with new ideas.

One is the recruiting of retired army officers to provide school discipline for failing schools. Described as "shock tactics" by some, Lord Heseltine does not mince his words. He says that Michael Gove is doing some good things, but that if he was in charge he'd start at the other end of the spectrum. "I think the head teachers in the 100 worst sink schools in this country would have got a letter from me, or from the local council via me, which said - You've got six months and if there's no change in the way that this school is being appallingly mismanaged, your job is on the line." So enter the idea of retired army officers giving their marching orders. No drill sergeants here!

He says "boys who have had no male in their lives to give them any sense of discipline or adventure" need leadership. The thing is he got somewhat of a different message when he was in office under Margaret Thatcher. She was the political female in his life and it gave him little sense of discipline but an extraordinary sense of adventure.

We'll have to see if any retired army officers get the call.

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Phil Woolas refused judicial review

Ex-immigration minister Phil Woolas has lost his first bid to overturn a court ruling that banned him from politics. He had a bit of a brass neck trying it in the first place. The election court that ruled against him last week did the right thing. Woolas tried every beastly trick to rubbish his Liberal Democrat opponent. He insinuated that Elwyn Watkins was gay because he was said to "live with his mother". An untrue statement. Equally untrue was saying he didn't live in the constituency, that he was in league with Muslim extremists.

Woolas was once a darling of the Labour Party for being a streetwise political terrier. That was then, and now is now. Now meaning that Harriet Harman has given him a public drubbing and said he is no longer wanted. But she screeched not a word when the offensive leaflets flooded Oldham East and Saddleworth. If anything there are other guilty types, but with election law the buck stops at Woolas. His agent, his party leadership and all those in his local entourage are what we long suspected. Hypocrites!

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Baby boy for Ed Miliband

Ed Miliband and his partner are celebrating the birth of his second child, a baby boy. This takes his mind off politics, that's for sure. “Ed and Justine are overjoyed at the birth of their second child and can't wait to introduce the new arrival to his big brother, Daniel,” said a spokesman for the couple. “Both are keen to pass on their thanks to the NHS staff at the hospital.”

This is all very modern, isn't it? He is the first leader of a major party not to be married in such circumstances and he will be taking paternity leave. And it means that all three leaders of the main parties have young children at home. Maybe the next modern thing they can do is get every MP home by six o'clock. No overtime and double shifts!

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